21

Today is my birthday. 21 years ago today at 20:03 I was pushed into this world (literally) kicking and screaming (literally). Personally I consider it significant that babies don't enter the world with a big smile on their face, they scream and cry about it.

The first 4 years of my life I can barely remember. I have vague memories, such as falling down the stairs backwards at Lillian's, and having Lillian fall on top of me from a roundabout in Scotland.

I can remember my 4th Birthday. This is the first birthday I remember, and I can only remember bits of it. The most important thing about it was the feeling of complete and utter bewilderment I felt at the time; I had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on. In the front room we played Pass the Parcel. There must have been something before that but I don't remember what it was, but I do remember some girl who I didn't know whining "I'm booooooored" and wondering what "bored" meant. I also remember my Mum let her start the game of pass the parcel, and I also distinctly remember not winning a single thing on that game.

More importantly I remember being in the dining room where the kitchen table had disappeared under a big table-cloth with masses of food spread across it and some presents in the middle which I couldn't take my eyes off. Especially the big one in the middle which moved every so often. I don't remember opening that present but I know in my mind that it contained a lovely little rescue kitten named Danny, white all over but with black spots, who we spent the next week or so trying to name. Obsessed with He-man I wanted to name him Cringer after the cat in the cartoon. Everyone else liked this name too, as Danny was afraid of his own shadow on the wall and used to cringe whenever he saw it.

Not long after we moved to Nottingham and began a new life away from inner-city Sheffield. All my birthdays in Nottingham seem to have become one big jumble in my mind, but I do remember that the song "It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To" used to get sung at me rather a lot due to the way I generally used to get pissed off on my birthday and often cried. I dread the day I turn 50 and my parents sing that again.

My 18th birthday was the usual embarrassing party with the parents. I was bought a stereo with a TV in the middle of it, which died within seconds of switching it on. We had to go back to the shop and swap it for another one which worked. I also got a Suede jacket which I wore to go out that night with my mates in Nottingham and with Sophie my friend from South Wales.

The night before my 19th I went out in Aberystwyth and got completely hammered. In the morning I was woken up at the ridiculous hour of 12:00 by my flatmates going on a road-trip. Shortly after Sophie turned up to give me my presents which included a 4 pack of Guinness. It was hard to look enthusiastic about being bought a 4 pack of Guinness when my stomach was doing the Tango and my brain slowly seaped from my ears.

Sick of birthdays I decided not to do anything for my 20th. Liz, a friend I had met that year was having none of it and so I suggested that a few of us have a video evening in my front room. I got a phonecall from Burt who was in Safeways with Liz that afternoon saying he'd bought a few items for the video evening and asking where to leave them. When I got home I found the "few" items filling the hallway of the house and struggled to find anywhere to put all of it in the kitchen.

12 days later Liz and I nearly got together. 2 days after that, on Liz's birthday, we did.

Since then Liz's job has meant she has had to move to Newbury and most of my mates are on their Industrial Years away from Aberystwyth. Sophie has spent the last year in France as part of her course. Today at work I will almost certainly have to do the whole birthday cake and candles thing, and will have to keep grinning pretending that I don't have a care in the world for 24 hours.