Pirates Of The Carribbean

Bloody hell what a long film. I've got nothing against films being long when they need to be, but there seems to be an alarming trend these days for films to be longer and longer and longer without rhyme or reason. I might try the blogging equivalent: Spew out reams and reams of unimportant bilge, oh wait- I already do that. But that's not the point.

The Lord Of The Rings films had to be long. There was so much stuff needed to make the film make sense that they couldn't really have been any shorter. In fact the whole thing made more sense to me when I watched the 3 hour versions, loads of important stuff got cut from the theatrical cut due to time limitations.

But The Pirates Of The Carribbean just did not need to be long. Tonnes of stuff in that film was a pointless waste of my, and everybody else's time.

As well as becoming too long, there is also an infuriating tendency to make films in two or three parts now. I've sat through nearly 3 hours of nonsense just to see how the film ends, and it doesn't. It stops at a blatant "we're going to make another ridiculously long film for you to grow old watching" point. Someone said, prior to me going to see the film, that the end "hints at a third film". Those were the exact words they used. Hints? Hints?! That bit of hinting was about as subtle as a brick. The film doesn't so much end as stop. We see all the important characters in their different locations. Then the titles. Where's the conclusion? There isn't one, is the answer. You'll have to watch the third film for that.

Personally I couldn't give a flying fuck about what happens to any of the characters. They all either annoy me or bore me. None of them do anything to make me have any sympathy for them, and the plot was pointless. I doubt I'll be wasting another £6.25 on the next film.

We also saw Superman Returns last week. That was also quite disappointing. Superman? Superdad more like. But that didn't make much sense either as he has miraculously become younger in this latest film. Clearly Superman has a special ability to produce children and look younger as a result. As opposed to humans who usually instantly age by 20-30 years when they have kids.

Before Superman began there was a trailer for Lady in the Water. I nearly had a panic attack in the cinema during the trailer. As I've mentioned briefly on my blog before I have a very strange phobia to do with the grates in the bottoms of swimming pools. They terrify me. I couldn't really tell you why, they just do. Lady in the Water seems to revolve around a woman who appears in a swimming pool, whose home world can be found by pulling up the grate in the pool and swimming down a long dark tunnel. Unfortunately there's also a scary wolf-like thing chasing them and god knows what else.

I felt like the flesh was going to crawl clean off my bones and make a break for the back of the cinema. Liz really wants to see it. I'd probably really want to see it too if I could get past the swimming pool thing. I just know that if I were to watch this film I'd never be able to get in a swimming pool again. :-/