You Have To Be Having A Laugh

As I am now working as a Linux bod, it is very important that I have a beard. Well actually, I had the beard before I became a Linux bod: Mainly through laziness. It possibly contributed to me getting the new role. But anyway, as it was looking a little untidy and as my old shaver has all but packed up on me I have been meaning to buy a new one. With going to Argos last night to buy a mummy bag for camping, I decided that it would be a good opportunity to pick up a beard trimmer. I made my choices and bought them. It took forever (both till staff seemed determined to give full blown sales advise on which of two similar items the customer should buy). I eventually got the items home and, running my hand over my chin, decided that the sooner I got the shaver sorted out the better.

So I unpacked the shaver from its box. Strangely it had been shrink-wrapped, so I had to get a knife to open it. Once I had the shaver out of its casing I noticed several deep scratches in it. I thought I'd been careful and felt bad that I'd managed to make such a mess of a brand new item in opening it. Then I noticed that the length dial window was very dirty. Then I noticed the shaver itself was covered in scuff marks as if from months of use... I looked into the head of the shaver and was disgusted to find the sorry remains of someone else's beard.

I flicked the on button and nothing happened. Most items ship with a small charge in the battery to stop them breaking down and leaking, so I was surprised this shaver seemed to have no charge. I opened the instruction manual which reaked of smoke, which stated the unit needs charging for 14 hours on first use. I tried plugging it in and the charging light didn't illuminate. So clearly the product had been bought by someone, used for some time and then it had failed. On failing the product had been returned to Remmington who, rather than refurbishing it and selling cheap, had simply left it in its broken and unclean state, repackaged it and sent it back out, complete with beard remnants.

Livid, I rang the Argos store I bought it from. No answer. So I stuck my postcode into the Argos site to see what the opening hours were. It had closed half an hour earlier. DAMN! I needed a shave and I needed it fast. Luckily the other Argos was still open, so I drove out to that site.

At the customer services desk the woman asked why I was returning it. "Because it's clearly not new," I stated, "It has bits of someone else's beard in it." She withdrew slightly in disgust at this statement.

"That is really quite grim." She said in a calm, level voice as she peered into the head of the offending item.

She exchanged the product (even allowing me to open it and check it before doing the exchange) and gave me £5 off for the hassle. So fair play to Argos Extra in Newbury, but the small Argos in Newbury is shit. Also, Remmington need taking down a peg or two for trying to get away with that.

The new one works and doesn't stink. I now have a neatly trimmed beard.