LoweyPages - The Next Inevitable Step

Canada embarks on mass seal hunt

[BBC News | World | Americas | Canada embarks on mass seal hunt]

Personally I feel this is inhumane and injustified in so many ways. This page is here for me to put forward an alternative, better solution to this problem.

The Problem

The whole concept suggests that the fish belong to the Canadians and not the seals.  For a start this is wrong, surely.  We as Humans do not need to eat fish, we have many alternatives.  Seals do not.

However for the sake of argument I will assume for the time being that some Canadians require fish in their diet.  Why "some"?  Because I am sure that not all Canadians eat fish.  And, of course, some will eat a lot more fish than others.

So the problem is this:  There are too many Canadians and Seals eating fish.  So we must find a way of controlling the problem.  The Canadians were very very quick to come to the solution of clubbing seals to death.  I would like to propose an alternative solution.  Let us instead kill Canadians.

Yes you did hear me right.  Seals are living creatures and therefore have just as much a right to life as humans.  So if we are prepared to club seals to death then we must also be prepared to kill off the Humans too?

The Solution

By killing off Humans we would be able to radically reduce the number of fish being consumed on a day to day basis thus helping conserve the depleted stocks of fish.  While I remain uncertain of figures, I believe that Humans are more likely to be the cause of the depleted stocks, rather than the seals.

To remain fair in my execution of this plan I suggest that the Humans be executed strictly by the method outlined below to ensure that as many of the right Humans are killed as possible, and as few of the non fish eating Humans are killed as possible.  While it is impossible to ensure that all of the right Humans are killed and none of the wrong humans are killed, I remain confident that this method will have a huge impact and help maintain fish stocks.

The Method

If we consider that some Canadians may eat, say, 3 fish a day 7 days a week... where as other Canadians may only eat one fish a year... then we can see that it would be somewhat unfair to kill off a percentage of the population without screening them first.

So the simplest method to target the right people, as far as I can see, is to poison the fish themselves.  Continue to fish the seas as usual, but treat the fish with a fast acting poison before shipping them.  Clearly this would need Government approval and backing before going ahead, but it would certainly benefit everyone in the long-term.

• The fish,
• The seals,
• The Human Race. (see below)

The beauty of this solution is that it would only need to be used for a short period.  The poisoned fish would be shipped to the consumers as usual for one day only.  Those who eat the fish would die a quick death.  Clearly it would not be long before people worked out the causes of death.  Clearly it would not be long before people stopped buying the fish, because nobody in their right mind would consider buying something that has the potential to kill them.

Which is why this is a better solution than killing Seals.  Sentient beings have the option to protect themselves.  What defense do Seals have?  By poisoning fish sent to consumers we provide an option.  Those who do not eat fish will remain unaffected.  Those who eat lots of fish are at a much greater risk than those who eat very little fish.  The result?  Targeted killing.

But the results do not stop there.  Within this one day of fish poisoning everyone will stop eating fish.  Because of the secrecy I mentioned above it is obvious that there will be mass chaos in that people will not know what fish are poisoned, or whether any fish will be poisoned in the future...

Another small side-effect would be that those who normally eat lots of fish would be forced (assuming they survive) to seek alternatives to their usual diet.  Therefore they too will eat less fish, if they even eat fish again.

Notes

First of all this would need to be kept entirely secret, hence the need for government support.  If news of this was to get out to the people then the results would be less effective.

This would actually benefit the human race to some degree too.  It is already common knowledge that there are too many people in the world.  This solution would help reduce the population of the world.  In reducing the population of the world we would also be reducing the number of people eating fish, which would be a further long-term benefit for the fish.  Also this method would help promote the Vegetarian diet which, as Albert Einstein once said:

Last updated 27th of April 2004 at 15:46

For web design go to Shoestring Websites!